I have always worried way too much about what people think of me.
I worried about what my family, friends, classmates, teachers, co-workers, girlfriends and many others have thought about me, and most of the time I had nothing to worry about.
In addition, I often worry about what total strangers think of me. I'll be in a store, for example, and wonder if the workers there think I am shoplifting when I am not (I am a terrible liar and would be an awful shoplifter), and I start to feel guilty about it.
"Well, what if I was shoplifting? That would be awful. They would hate me, and I bet they don't like me right now," I often think to myself in a store.
And while I am having this huge conversation in my head, the workers are probably thinking things like, "I wonder what I am going to eat for lunch," or "why does anyone use a fax machine anymore?"
Along the same lines, I will wonder why someone didn't acknowledge me when I said hello, why my girlfriend might not text me back or e-mail me or even tell me when she moves, and what people think about me if they are looking toward me.
First of all, I was just kidding about my girlfriend not telling me when she moved, that was my ex-wife.
Just kidding again, sorry. That didn't really happen.
Seriously, though, maybe my girlfriend's phone isn't working or she has been really busy or something else has been going on that has nothing to do with her not getting back to me. And maybe that person that seems to be looking at me at a party is actually trying to remember the name of the person he or she is talking to (happens to me all the time) or is just wondering where the bathroom is (I often think about that at parties too!).
The point is, I worry way too much about what people think of me and if they are judging me when they probably are not thinking about me at all and are certainly not judging me.
And while I am busy obsessing on these things, I end up not sharing sharing what I really think or feel about different things. By doing that, I may think that I am protecting myself, but really I'm the one who is being selfish and I'm the one who is not being fair to my friends.
The people I love and care about in my life are not going to judge me or make fun of me for things that I say or feel, they are just going to talk with me about whatever I want to talk about. They want to help me, console me, congratulate me or confer with me. They want to know that is going on in my life, and if I care about them like I say that I do, I need to share more with them.
And if people do judge me or get upset with me, well then they are not people that I should worry about. I can't try to please everyone and I can't worry about everyone.
I need to be honest and open with the people I love and care about, and I hope you can do the same.
Also, if you didn't like this, please don't move away without telling me...
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